A herd of unicorns
For most of my life, I believed that you were more likely to see a herd of unicorns running across your front lawn than you were to experience a truly happy marriage. My observations told me the whole arrangement was hopeless at best, and often downright traumatic. After all, men were from Mars and women were from Venus, and who thought making them live under the same roof for the bulk of their lives was a good idea anyway?
So when my first marriage ended in divorce, I wasn’t shocked, especially given that I’d gotten married for all the wrong reasons in the first place. My bad.
When you’ve just arrived home from your honeymoon and you’re sitting at the kitchen table going through the mail and you’re thinking: “this marriage better get a whole lot better than this, or I’m not going to make it,” I’d call that a red flag.
Spoiler alert: it never got better. Over three difficult years, the best it ever got was tolerable. I finally said “Screw it!” (well, that’s the PG version of what I said). I’d been trying to stay and make it work, but it seemed I could never do anything right, so I finally stopped trying. And I left.
Since I’d gotten married for all the wrong reasons, separation and divorce felt merciful, like I’d been sprung from the Big House. I’d gotten my life back and I was turning cartwheels! Counselors and other “experts” have said “divorce is always traumatic.” Oh that is SO not true. Many marriages are far more soul-crushing than divorce will ever be.
On the day I left, a neighbor was outside and saw me putting my suitcase into the back of my car. He said, “Going on a trip?” I said, “Yep!” thinking to myself, and I ain’t never comin’ back!
I drove to a hotel on the opposite end of town and checked in. Once in my room, I called my mom and let her know I was finally free. Then I called my friend, Marcus, who had already shown me more respect and kindness in the short time I’d known him than Hubby had in the previous three years.
Marcus told me he had a wedding to attend later that afternoon, and would I be interested in accompanying him? Afterwards, we could “grab a bite to eat.” I said, “Sure, I’d love to!” Within six weeks, we were living together.
There’s a line in the movie When Harry Met Sally: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” Yeah, it’s like that. When you know, you know.
Today, February 14, 2024, we’re celebrating 22 years of truly happy marriage. It’s zipped by in a blink! In all those years, I’ve never even questioned, much less regretted, my decision. He is everything. My perfect mate. Thank you, God, for giving me the courage to leave a miserable situation and choose the right one.
Now if you’ll pardon me, I have to go feed a herd of unicorns…