Before you go…
There’s a saying: “An aunt is like Mom, only cooler.” An aunt has a special mission in a child’s life: A female role model who, while perhaps not an everyday fixture, is a positive presence nonetheless. Someone who’s always happy to see you, enjoys spending time with you, and expresses approval and pride while leaving the nasty stuff — disapproval, exhaustion, discipline — to the parents. An overload of the positives of parenting can be found in an aunt. At least that’s been my experience, both as a niece and as an aunt.
In just a few days, my niece will travel a thousand miles from home to begin her freshman year of college. She will move into her dorm on her 18th birthday. She’s excited to get started on this next adventure. She’s also brilliant, crazy-talented, quick-witted, compassionate, and kind. My niece is the closest I’ll ever come to having a child of my own.
When she first came into our world, I had visions of the two of us being very close. I imagined us having heart-to-heart talks over lunch, after an arduous morning of shopping and perusing the season’s latest eyeshadow palettes at the Dior counter. I imagined taking her to see every animated or superhero movie that Hollywood could churn out, stopping first at the concession area to buy her all the high-priced junk food she wanted. I saw us sitting side-by-side on velvet seats, in our best evening attire, mesmerized by the ballet dancers onstage, the impossible range of opera singers, and the exhilarating musical prowess of the symphony.
It took a while for me to accept that most of my auntie daydreams would not materialize. She developed her own interests as she grew, which never included any of the above. I did attend school plays, concerts, and games in which she was involved, and sat in the front row to loudly cheer her on. But these were too few.
Life happens. Weeks, months, years pass in just the blink of an eye. Family members become estranged for various reasons… but I was determined not to lose contact with her. I was determined to maintain whatever sparse (by my auntie standards) relationship with her I’d been able to cobble together.
I sound like such an old person when I say “I remember when…” But I do! An adorable little girl who was eager to play with me because I basically let her do whatever she wanted. Childless me saying, “she’s too smart to get into any trouble!” When she was little and we were together, we saw ourselves through each other’s eyes, and we liked who we were in that reflection. She’s the only person who’s ever pleaded with me to stop what I’m doing and simply hang out with her.
When she was first old enough to ask me to leave the adults to come play, I was reluctant because I was enjoying the adult conversation. Afterwards, I thought, “What am I doing? These precious requests are numbered. One day, way too soon, she’ll be off with her friends, off at other activities, off at school, and the demands for my company will be no more.” I realized that I was depriving both of us of something very special. After that, when she asked, I went.
We had lunch with her yesterday to celebrate her 18th birthday a bit early. It’s most likely the last we’ll see of her until she comes home for Christmas break in a few months. She’ll be changed by then. She will have already started to modify her worldview as her perspectives broaden and she’s exposed to more diversity of people and ideas than she’s ever known. This is all good, a fantastic growth opportunity. I simply could not be more proud of her, or more thrilled about all that is waiting for her to explore. Even so, it’s bittersweet.
Before you go, my darling, as Uncle Boo told you yesterday when he hugged you goodbye, “don’t forget about us.” None of us has any idea what the future holds, except for this one constant: we will always be, unconditionally, in your corner.
