Living in the Twilight Zone
When I was a little girl, I’d sometimes see my elderly relatives shake their heads over the craziness of the world. They’d say, “I’m glad I’m as old as I am, and my time left in this world is getting short!” As a child, I never understood how anyone could feel this way. Such a dark, defeatist attitude. From my young perspective, the world was bright and full of possibilities! I had a poster on the wall in my bedroom that said I could do anything I wanted in life, all I had to do was dream it and I could make it come true (of course, the poster never said HOW that would happen, and it never occurred to me to ask). How could anyone be happy that they’re old and closer to the end than the beginning?
More and more, I’ve come to understand exactly what they meant. The world has gone mad right before our very eyes. Nothing has any meaning anymore. Nothing can be trusted anymore. Everything most of us have been taught since childhood about being a decent, honorable person has been blown to bits by a substantial portion of the electorate in this country.
The notion that nothing really matters anymore is not a new revelation for me; I’ve been moving toward this philosophy and worldview for a while. And each day brings further confirmation that our reality, especially in this country, has twisted into something that I find not just outrageous and horrifying, but highly embarrassing. When like-minded politicians bemoan all that’s been happening and say: “This is not who we are!” I have to laugh. Wake up and look around you! Of course it’s exactly who we are! If it weren’t, none of this would be happening. Duh… seems like common sense. The notion of “American exceptionalism” has always been a myth, worthy of the biggest eyeroll, and no more so than now.
Some would say, “If you hate it here so much, why don’t you leave?” Believe me when I tell you, if I lived in a vacuum and had no responsibilities or ties to consider, I would already be preparing for my exit instead of writing this. As it is, I have to stay. So I must find alternate ways to try to hold on to what’s left of my sanity.
I’ve been doing all the things they tell you not to do in times like these: I’m isolating, I’m drinking more, I’m giving in to the despair. And you know what? I have no plans to do anything different. Why should I? I’m living in the Twilight Zone where nothing matters anymore and anything goes. And I do mean anything.
Possibly the saddest part of all is that so many people who take the opposite view would find grim pleasure in my feeling this way. As if they’d “triumphed over the enemy” or some such. It’s pathetic, but it’s what we’ve been reduced to.
I wish only the best for all the activists out there who will march, resist, protest, write letters, fill out online petitions… all the things I used to do when I still had the energy of hope. Good luck to them. Thank God for organizations like the ACLU, and for people who still believe in decency, integrity, and the truth. And God help all of us.
